I didn’t realise I had forgotten how to dream.

As children we are encouraged and even assigned to dream about our futures. They asked us to draw our dream house and what we wanted to be when we’d grow up. Somewhere along the way I stopped dreaming, I was more occupied with being realistic and rational. Sure, I had aspirations but those were always ones that I thought were within reach.

My sister accused me once of not believing enough in a certain dream and that being the reason it did not work out. I was angry because I had taken all the steps to prepare for said dream. I did everything I needed to do to the best of my abilities. Deep down I did not think it would work out. I could justify that by saying I was merely being realistic, but looking back I can argue that, truly, I was insecure and afraid. My heart wasn’t in it because I didn’t think I could do it.

I’m not really interested in the discussion whether me not believing in it was the reason the dream did not work out. We will never know and it’s not really relevant. I’m more interested in the notion that dreaming is a brave thing to do.

My sister, Kia, is a big dreamer and also a big dream-realiser. This summer I visited her in San Diego, where she lives, for two weeks. Kia is never afraid to say crazy (and to me unrealistic) dreams out loud — and I suddenly realised that made me really uncomfortable. In this specific instance I shut down when she expressed this dream of an opportunity shared by us both, I asked her to not say it. Kia took offence, assuming that I was doubting her abilities. That wasn’t it though. I’m the person whose abilities I doubted, I realised that I’m afraid of having a dream that doesn’t come true.

And how lame is that!!! Dreams are meant to be big, unrealistic, crazy, out of reach. That’s what makes them so exciting. Something I forgot about while being consumed by my fear of failure disguised by ‘being realistic’: Dreaming is fun. Your mind can take you places you might never actually go. And the funny thing is that once you’ve expressed a crazy dream for the first time, the next time you think of it, it doesn’t seem that crazy anymore. Forming these dreams in our minds, seems to bring them just a little bit closer to reality.

Moving out of my parents house and going to art school was my dream during high school. And now that I’ve been living that for the past three years, I realise it is almost over and I need a new one! Oddly, I feel like dreams having been taking me over. Like I’ve been experiencing some amazing things before I even had the chance to dream of them. It’s easy to dismiss dreamers as out of touch, it seems like such a juvenile thing. Personally, I find the thought embarrassing, to express a dream and not have it come true. But that’s the beauty of it: dreaming takes courage and vulnerability. To express them out loud is admitting that you aspire to something more that you may or may not achieve.

So, as a reminder to myself and anyone out there who needs it. Ask yourself again what is a dream of yours — now, just bask in that feeling of thinking about it. Just enjoy the possibility. Stay open and unattached to the outcome, and remember the joy of dreaming :)

Kia and I played a set together at a beautiful location in San Diego, you can watch it if you like

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-editors note- (I am the editor lol) My friend Brechje proofread this before I’m sending it. She asks me to share a dream of mine. It’s kind of ironic that I’m writing about the importance of dreaming and sharing those dreams, but I am still scared to share my dream with you. Because what if it doesn’t come true? Part of me feels that dreams should be kept on the down low, perhaps as not to jinx it. I am less afraid to share my dreams with close friends and family, more afraid to share it with this lovely random group of humans in my mailing list. Well, here it goes.

Right now I am dreaming of graduating my final year at the art academy with a project inspired by my mom, it’s going to be ambitious and personal, combining different forms of media - maybe a film, animation, illustrated publication. I want it to be really proud of it, I want it to properly convey the story I’m trying to tell, I want it to win a prize, I want important people to see it, I want people to be touched.

My big dream after graduation is to travel for work. To DJ at festivals and have exhibitions abroad. Hm, what I wrote earlier proves to be true again: expressing this doesn’t make it seem as big as I thought. It’s creating space for me to dream even bigger, although I’m not sure what that would be right now.

Liefs, Zena